An Essay: Never Lie Too Me
first the (mostly) negative review, a little note the origional review was made privet by senders choice so their identity shall not revealed (unless they wish to come out by their own choice.) Also I have not changed any of their writings below;
While the writing itself was of good quality, I was very disappointed with the story itself, which was extremely unbelievable, and read like a fairytale for small children, where we have an inexperienced 16 year old boy somehow killing an enormous magical, fire breathing dragon, not to mention various other monsters. It seemed to actually insult the mainstream fantasy genre, in which drgons are extremely formidable, and NOT something a boy can kill the first time he picks up a sword. This is exactly the kind of "dragonslayer cliche" that was satired in the film "Shrek"
where instead of being slain by a hero like in nonsensical bedtime stories, the dragon defeats countless numbers of trained knights...... because as most any adult would know, this would be the logical outcome of such a one-sided battle, which is comparable to the absurdity of a mouse trying to kill a cat. It was hard to discern if this was intended to be a serious fantasy or an attempt at a comedic satire. The dragon's stereotypical villainous "mwa ha ha" laugh certainly made me
think the latter until I continued reading.
I had the impression that you have no understanding of real human and animal capabilities, or how toactually fight with swords, for if you had, you would have known a boy with no battle experience would not be able to fight such a creature, which, with the greater reach, fiery breath and sweeping tail would have every advantage.. Claiming this story was for and audience of "13 plus" seemed a contradiction, for few people over the age of ten would take the noton seriously
of a boy killing a giant magical dragon.
While a spelling check was used, there a a number of words which are not correct for the sentences. For example, "clime" instead of "climb", disparate, instead of desperate, etc.. There are also sentences that do not make sense that seem to have words left out of them.
The story seems to have a Judao Christian religious slant, with several Biblical placenames being used, and the boys' calling on "God" to help him avenge his family. But the boy's obsession for revenge is contradictory with the Christian doctrine of forgiving your enemies. Also the boy practices magic, which the Bible also denounces. I wonder if the author is also aware that the God of the Bible is described breathing fire from his mouth, smoke from his nostrils, has great
wings and claws, hoards gold, demands lambs and calves, and is given 32 virgins in the Book of Numbers. He seems to be as much a dragon as the one in your story!
Apparently dragonslayers in this story are referred to as "Dragoons". While this may be a term used in anime and video games, in the English dictionary, this is merely a term for a type of cavalryman also trained to fight on foot as infantry. The word originated in France because the original firearms they carried were called "dragons", but has nothing to do with killing dragons.
I doubt I would read any more of this story because it is so predictable and unbelievable. The hero has already killed the dragon once, without any experience whatsoever. Can there be any doubt that he is going to kill it again? There doesn't seem to be any twists or surprises in this story and the author has turned a 16 year old boy into an indestructable superhero.
One of the talents of a good fantasy writer is to make the reader believe his story could have really happened, but it is impossible for me to do so in this case. I think you have the potential to write a good story, but it is wasted on just another unbelievable dragonslayer cliche' . Now if the story took a different direction, like having the dragon and boy having to work toether for some reason, and the boy overcoming his hatred, and realizing he could never kill the dragon in the first place, then you have the potential to have a great story people would actually be interested in reading.
Good luck with your writing in any case.
First I wish to apologize ahead of time to anyone who feels I might be to hard on the reviewer, but as someone who was bulled in school to the point I dropped out I have learned its far better to confront an issue or problem head on then to avoid it.
First I want to point out something, this line he wrote; “ I wonder if the author is also aware that the God of the Bible is described breathing fire from his mouth, smoke from his nostrils, has great wings and claws, hoards gold, demands lambs and calves, and is given 32 virgins in the Book of Numbers. He seems to be as much a dragon as the one in your story!”
I also Wonder if this author is aware HE JUST LIED! Never lie to me in a review especially when it is my holy book because I will check, and I will check the text surrounding it (as you will see below) and if you lie to me I will respond and in full force. I ran a blog for awhile and I always check everything I posted (at least to the facts issue) and what people said in response. When you lie about one thing I and others are free to take every thing you wrote and throw it OUT! The first red flag for me if he didn’t include the particular verses that would prove his point, I’ll give a great example.
By the way I want to apologize ahead of time if anyone doesn’t care to read about a debate on Christian doctrine, but if you fire on a battleship when you’re a frigate expect to be sunk!
Take this line for example “But the boy's obsession for revenge is contradictory with the Christian doctrine of forgiving your enemies.” my simple comeback is this Luke 22:35-37 35. And he said unto them, When I sent you without purse, and scrip, and shoes, lacked ye any thing? And they said, Nothing. 36. Then said he unto them, But now, he that hath a purse, let him take it, and likewise his scrip: and he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one. 37. For I say unto you, that this that is written must yet be accomplished in me, And he was
reckoned among the transgressors: for the things concerning me have an end. Wait what’s that? “and he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one.” I am sure your head is spinning let me explain using a little recent history, I think the Holocaust will work. If someone is trying to kill you, you have the right of self defense. Its a little hard to forgive someone when you're dead.
When Christ was talking about the often off quoted live by the sword die by the sword here is the full passage in context, Matthew 26:51-54 by the way note verses 53 & 54. 51. And, behold, one of them which were with Jesus stretched out his hand, and drew his sword, and struck a servant of the high priest's, and smote off his ear. 52. Then said Jesus unto him, Put up again thy sword into his place: for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword. 53. Thinkest thou that
I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels? 54. But how then shall the scriptures be fulfilled, that thus it must be?
Oh and as to the “Also the boy practices magic, which the Bible also denounces.” Have you heard the phrase “artistic license?” You think I didn’t already know that? By your standard I’m sure you think J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis were hypocrites too. Particularly Tolkien who created an entire creation story for his stories.
Oh and on hypocrites I want to do it again, Matthew 7:1-5, 1. Judge not, that ye be not judged. 2. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. 3. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? 4. Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? 5. Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.
Also you seem to think I am writing the dragon as a pure magical creature. There is a phrase on assumption. If you wish to place the dragon as a god fine, but as the above states I am free to judge you at the same level. I just won't at least not on this point.
As to this “Apparently dragonslayers in this story are referred to as "Dragoons". While this may be a term used in anime and video games, in the English dictionary, this is merely a term for a type of cavalryman also trained to fight on foot as infantry. The word originated in France because the original firearms they carried were called "dragons", but has nothing to do with killing dragons.” My style is to develop a world and story that doesn’t necessitate the use of the historical context ours does. If you have a problem with that then just say so. The fact that I call the story “The Dragoons of Solomus” should tell you it doesn’t happen on Earth. And while we are on the subject of original meaning why didn't you look up Orochi? After all why would the dragoon in the beginning be called dragoon of Orochi, which is a legendary 8-headed and 8-tailed Japanese dragon. Wait could I possibly have something up my sleeve? Yes, yes I do.
Lastly I don’t mind the first to third, the sixth or part of the seventh paragraphs they are legitimate opinions and I respect that, just do not insult me and expect me not to respond. And just to be honest I don’t think you will ever find my stuff interesting because I am coming at my writings and worlds from one direction, while yours are from a totally different one, and that is not bad. But just as matter and antimatter can not meet with out destroying each other, it becomes an issue when you would seek to destroy the way I look at things. I will not review your stuff, because I have nothing positive to say other then your work is well done, but outside of that I come back to my first point you lied to me, and that I can not nor will I ever respect. I thank you for the kind words that you did give me, but you negated any help they may have had with point number one.
If any one wishes to comment on this please fell free to do so, I don't mind hearing what others think on this or my points. I will not attack anyone for having a different opinion.
Because I have been out and about a bit - I've come to realize I live in the middle of a forest. If you look at an aerial view of the county, nay, even all of Northern Virginia, all you will see i...
1 day ago