Welcome to The Guardian of Worlds

Welcome to The Guardian of Worlds, pull up a seat and prepare to enter different worlds and ages. From the past, to the present, and the future. This is the place where I''l place some of the stuff I am thinking of, as well as news items & stories that are interesting. And a few other odds and ends.

Also check out my other spots,
My Portfolio on WDC
My art on deviantART

Current Health Issues

I am currently having health issues for information and to possibly help see here, My Recent Health Issue.

Monday, August 8, 2011

A Princess’s Adventure, Chapter 2: The Escape

Chapter 2

 After the “festivities” finally came to an end and the servants started cleaning up the mess, Rosalia excused herself in the most refined princess-like manners she could to make her father and mother believe she had changed her demeanor due to her mother’s speech. Because the last place she wanted to be was locked in the tower, and forced to marry someone she really did not like.

Once out of sight of anyone who would tell her parents about her behavior she stomped off to the castle library to rant to herself in peace and think of a way to get out of the castle. Once in the library she headed for the most secluded area and started blowing off steam, or at least tried to.

“What are they thinking? The last person in the world I want to marry is that sniveling weasel. He does not even stand up for himself when he should!”

During one of these rants she managed to knock over a stack of books covered in thick dust that had been sitting on a shelf. “Just great! Now I have a mess to clean up!” She thought as she coughed and sneezed from all the dust in the air. Picking the books up in frustration an old map fell out of one of the books.

"What is this?" She said looking at it she quickly recognized it as a map of the ancient catacombs under the castle, but she had not heard of anyone ever mapping them successfully.

 The castle was built on the foundation of an ancient fort that had once been situated on the hilltop the castle now sits upon. The fort was from a different age when the evil dragons terrorized the world, and when the region was ruled by a great empire. The catacombs had served as both a sewer for the fort bringing in fresh water and draining out the waste. Which it still does just not as elaborately as it once had. As well as a secure storage for supplies and arms, but no one in the history of Anglicia had ever successfully mapped the labyrinth of tunnels, for they had been designed so that only those who built them and those of that military would be able to navigate them to enter or exit the fort or get to the secured supplies. There were rumors though. That supposedly the descendants of those solders stationed at the fort kept the knowledge of how to navigate the tunnels. Even passing on actual maps of them. Now it seemed those rumors where
actually true.

 Looking over the books that the map had been stashed away in, Rosalia recognized who they had belonged to. Sir Christopher, he had always treated her as a little sister and an equal when she showed interest in the techniques of the knights and told her the legends of the Dragoons, especially of the female Dragoons, and their battles against the evil dragons & dragon halflings and their protection of the people, the young good dragons, and the outside world. Much to the chagrin of the Queen. It had always been rumored that Christopher’s ancestors had been officers in charge of the fort. Now it looked like those rumors were likely true. This was the answer to her prayers. She could escape from the castle unnoticed, and no one would realize how she escaped the castle. When they finally did she would be halfway to the border (in disguise of course) away from her father’s agreement, the castle, and the life of a princess.

 Rosalia tidied up the mess she had made and then hid the map in her clothing. After that was done she left the library with her godsend. Keeping one hand on it at all times to make sure she did not lose it. Once she made it to her chambers and found no one there she quickly hid her map before Augustina came to help her remove her dress. A few minutes later Augustina entered her room.

“I am sorry about the news Rosa.” Augustina said with a sad look, “I know how much you dislike the prince.”

“Well, there is nothing you or I can do about it.” She did not want to tell her friend about the map. Not that she did not trust her friend, but that out of her concern for he safety she would be bound by duty to tell her parents about any escape plans.

“Perhaps you can change him?”
“That will happen around the same time as when the Price of Darkness renounces his evil ways and reconciles with God.” She said sarcastically.

With that they spent the rest of the time with small talk about other things going on in the castle. Once alone in her room she took a closer look of her map. Studying it late into the wee hours of the night. Trying to figure out where all the entrances and exits of the catacombs were located on a general map of the realm. As well as trying to figure out what the map’s symbols indicated, and what the important spots were that were marked. As she finally climbed into bed she giggled and thought, “Now I have a way out. All I need to do now is prepare to get out of here.”

 In the morning she decided that one key piece of information she would need to know was when her father had planed her “arrangement” to be. After wandering around the castle for awhile she found him alone in the castle’s conference room looking over recent reports from the knights in the far reaches of the realm on deamon activity. Entering the room she over heard him say to himself “Why are they increasing in activity after all these years?”

“Father, I was wondering when my marriage is to take place?”

He looked up and sighed, “And why do you want to know that now?” he asked.

“I just figure that I should know the date of my own wedding.”

“I suppose so,” he put down the reports he had been reviewing, “It will be two months, after your ceremony.” He looked back down at the reports and then back at her, “Is there any thing else?” he asked.

“No, that’s it.” she said rather cheerfully trying to act like she didn’t have a problem with it, and it worked.

“Good.“ He was relived at the apparent change in her attitude, “I have some important matters I must discuss with my council later, so go inform Sir Simon I need to speak to him and to come here, and after that stay out of trouble like a good girl.”

“Yes, Father.” she said before leaving the room, “I have no intention of going through this whole absurdity.” She thought to her self as she headed to the knights’ training room where Sir Simon was usually at this time of day over seeing the instructing of new knights and the castle soldiers. “Sir Simon, my father wishes to see you without delay.“

”Thank you princess.“ He said with out looking away from those he was watching during instruction, “Now run along. This is no place for a princess.”

Rosalia bit her tongue after hearing that remark.

“Of course, Sir Simon.” she spoke maintaining her composure to keep up the image. Once he left she snuck back in and smuggled out one of the backpacks the knights used for long trips.

“No place for me!” she thought as she grabbed it, “I have half a mind to tell him off, but that would only blow my cover to mother and father once he told them. Now I need a hiding place for this.”

She temporarily stored it in her chambers. Until the answer came to her in a spark of inspiration while looking at her map of the catacombs that evening.

“Right inside of the catacombs! Just after the guards post at the entrance! Right after the night guard falls asleep!” During one of her late night wanderings, she discovered the night guard to the only full sized entrance to the catacombs in the castle, had developed the habit of sleeping during his first hour or two of night watch, and only she knew of this.

That night while the guard slept, as he usually did, she quietly slipped past him, and checked out a spot just a few ways into the catacombs that was marked on the map. It was a small alcove. Just large enough to hold the backpack, and anything else she would need, and it was well out of sight from the guards.

For the following week after that she gathered the other things she would need to get through the catacombs, and the journey afterward. She took some of the presoaked torches, a lamp and a couple of small jars of lamp oil from the castle storerooms. As well as some of the miscellaneous gear the knights tended to use on trips. She also took a small dagger and some light armor, some maps of the local and regional areas, and documents she might need from the castle’s library. On last day she gathered food and rations from the castle’s pantry.

Once everything was ready, she made one more trip around the castle picking a small pouch of gold coins from the castle treasury. Despite being the princess her parents avoided giving her any money knowing what she might use it for. She also took any small nondescript items she could to sell to merchants for gold coins, and additional equipment later. That night before she left, she left a sealed letter on her desk for her parents, it read,

“Dear Mother and Father, forgive me but I cannot do what you wish me to do. I know it will cause you pain, heartache, and anguish, but I have to do what my heart and soul tells me to do. I wish I could have stayed and been the daughter and princess you wanted me to be but we are all made as He desired us to be. And I must be the woman, I am meant to be.”
Deeply your daughter,
Rosalia Tudor

 After everyone had gone to bed, she sneaked down to the entrance of the catacombs, and past the sleeping guard. She gathered her gear together and finished organizing it before continuing. Once she had everything together and was out of sight of the light from the entrance lamps she lit her lamp, and started to follow the map to a spot marked as a way point on the map, at least that’s what she thought it meant.

As she made her way deeper into the maze she followed the markings on the map and walls, and avoiding and temporarily disabling the traps marked on the map designed to confuse her. While she was scared by the silence of the tunnels she was glade the only thing crawling around in this part of the tunnels where bugs and rats. For a good hour and a half she kept navigating them until she made it to the spot on the map. Here she found what looked like a solid wall but after searching for a spot the map pointed to in a drawing and pushing a lever hidden as
a brick on the wall, and it opened with a long creaking sound revealing a large room.

 When she entered the room she realized it must have been part of the old fort’s armory. Scanning the room with her lamp revealed the weapons had long rusted and rotted beyond any blacksmiths ability to repair.

Then just before she was going to turn to leave she noticed a wooden door. With curiosity getting the better of her she went to open it. It fell backwards and shattered into splinters. While she was startled by that, it was what she saw next that shocked her back to her senses, and had her questioning them. It was a suit of armor that was made for a woman and a pair of swords that were in pristine condition. While the frame that had supported them looked as if a colony of termites had held a festival with the wood and the metal of the frame had rusted to dust the armor and swords looked as new as the day they must have been made.

“Well,” she said to herself “No one will mind if I borrow these.” Powerless to stop herself as if controlled by an outside force she took off the light armor she had been wearing and tried on the suite of armor. It was similar to the heavy full-plate armor the knights used, yet this armor seemed to be extremely light, and yet still hard and resistant to blows. On the chest there was a strange symbol that she assumed belonged to the long forgotten empire. It was a large white dragon grasping a large ornate cross. Once she had the armor on she strapped on the belt for the swords, and after practicing with her new equipment for a few moments put her backpack back on, and grabbed her lamp.

“Got to get moving. I have wasted to much time here,” she thought. Although in the back of her mind she really felt it had been worth it.

 She continued to follow the map north toward the exit. The tunnels started to change as she walked. Now the floor’s channels no longer had stone coverings like the center ones had, and she could hear and see the flowing water. By the smell in this part of it was fresh water. The remainder of her trek was fairly uneventful other then the occasional small monster that would startle her when she turned a corner. She was easily able to dispatch them with her new swords. Then there were the various harmless creatures that made this part of tunnels their home. A few fluttering bats that had not left the tunnels would occasionally fly by her. She knew they were harmless, but they still gave her a fright when one would fly a little to close to her head.

As she neared the exit, she heard the sounds of something. Something that made her skin crawl. She quickly turned out her lamp, and hide in a small cove in the side of the tunnel before whatever was making the sound detected her, and there she resisted in the dark continuing to hear the sound. It was a scraping against the walls combined with a low moaning. She stood there waiting until her eyes had adjusted enough to the darkness to make out what was making the

“An armor deamon?!” she thought. “Sir Christopher told me about those a long time ago. Vile creatures not from our world if I remember correctly. Not the kind to give a person a fair chance if they can help it. And what is he doing here so far in the kingdom?” As she continued thinking and watching him.

The armor deamon was preoccupied with what it was doing for if he knew she was near by he would have attacked her. Tearing at the tunnels he was trying to mount some kind of altar. The low light from a torch he had shoved into a crack in the wall danced around revealing his ruddy skin, red horns and the crimson colored armor he was wearing.

She continued to watch it wanting to make sure it had not detected her. “Good. He has not noticed me, yet. To get out of here I have to get past him. Which means I am going to have to kill him.” Without thinking she lit one of her torches and pitched at the deamon catching him completely off guard, she then drew both her swords and lunged at him, piercing his armor and chest killing him instantly.

“I can not believe I just did that.” She said breathing heavily.

She started to withdraw her blades from his chest, thinking about what she just did. And while she did not like to have had to kill him she had no choice. Most of the deamon race had long ago given themselves over to the Prince of Darkness. They were frequently causing trouble in most places where people lived. Then she felt a new feeling, one she had not felt before. A strange sense of satisfaction. Not the satisfaction of a kill but the feeling of good over evil.

It was at that moment she finally knew her purpose in her heart. To help the people by fight against evil that sought to destroy or corrupt. Somehow she had been drawn to the armor and swords as a moth is drawn to a light without knowing it. She stood there cleaning the blood off her swords, thinking of names.

“Rose...? Rosette! And...? Christopher! Rosette Christopher will be my new name in this life I have chosen.” It was at this moment Rosette Christopher was born.

It was at that moment she decided, one that would be familiar while at the same time different. To hide herself from her parents who might want to stop her, and to honor her friend who in the end, lead to her escape and to discover her destiny.

This is only the end of the story for Princess Rosalia Tudor of Anglicia, but this is only the beginning for Rosette Christopher, who has just become a heir to a legacy bigger then she can even begin to imagine.

© Copyright 2011 David S Flythe

A Princess’s Adventure, Chapter 1: The Age of Issuance

Chapter 1
The Age of Issuance

Princess Rosalia’s seventeenth birthday was only three weeks away, so was her age of issuance. Not that she made much of it. Unlike most princesses, she was not spoiled; Despite her parents’ efforts. She seemed to have a natural affinity towards common sense. Rosalia always had an interest in things princesses were not supposed to be interested in. At least not openly. Such as how the knights trained, debates with her father’s advisers and council, in scholarly pursuits, and
in events outside of the castle and kingdom. Rosalia’s interests had always irritated her majesty, the queen to no end, who never understood her daughter's interest in the concerns of commoners nor her interest in martial and academic concerns.

But now the king was making a major announcement ahead of her turning seventeen, when she was to be recognized as a direct heir to the throne of Anglicia by tradition. Rosalia was distressed, as it could only mean he had something arranged for her, something that could only mean trouble for her. She was going to find out ahead of time what it was. She knew well enough that her father would never tell her, but her knight friends might know something, even if it was just a rumor.

She slipped into the knights’ training room when none of her father’s sycophant advisers were not around. Wasting no time, she went to one of the knights there: Sir Wilson, a castle knight and a friend of hers.
“Do you know what my father is up to?” she asked.
“No, I am afraid I do not know, but what I do know is this: the King has been keeping his plans secret known only to himself and his most trusted advisers.”
This bit of news made her nervous, but what he said next scared her.
“Not even the servants, who are often ‘over hearing’ things have heard a word, and that means he is being extremely vigilant with his plans for you.”
Seeing the concern creep over her face like a dark shadow he quickly tried to cheer her up. “But do not forget most of us are on your side. We all know you well and support you, you want to be yourself, not what the King and Queen wish for you to be.”
“Thank you.” She felt somewhat better, but not completely.
“You better get moving. You do not want the King to find out you were here again, or he will throw in the tower for sure this time.”
Rosalia thanked her friend again and quickly left the knight’s training room before any of her father’s close advisers caught sight of her there.

She sighed as she entered her personal chambers closing the doors securely behind her. “I guess I have no choice but to wait for him to make his announcement tonight,” she thought.

A little while later there was a knock on her chamber door, it was her lady-in-waiting, Augustina. She was the youngest daughter of a lesser noble family who was sent to be trained at the castle a few years ago. Because of their closeness in age she was Rosalia’s best friend and the closest thing she had to a sister.
“Princess, may I come in?”
“You may.”
Entering the room she noticed Rosalia sitting at her desk drumming her fingers.
“May I ask what is wrong Rosa?” She asked.
“Ugh, it is my father’s planned announcement tonight. I just know it will be something a do not agree with.” She looked at Augustina and continued, “I have to tell you I am jealous of the fact you do not have to deal with this kind of thing from your parents.”
“You should not say something like that. The king and queen care a great deal about you. They are just looking out for your best interests.”
“You mean their best interests.” She interjected.
Augustina took a moment to think about what she said next, “Well, you are partially right about that, but as their only heir they have to do both.”
She did not answer, in her heart she knew Augustina was right. They did have her and the kingdom’s interests in mind. Still she could not shake the feeling that this was all wrong. That there was something else she was intended to do or be.
Sensing that Rosalia was reflecting on what she had said she concluded to move on from what they were talking about. “Now. You should start to get ready for the party tonight.“
Still thinking, Rosalia nodded her head in acceptance. Augustina removed from one of the wardrobes a beautiful dress made from a golden-yellow silk with deep purple accents. It had cost over six hundred golds to buy from a foreign merchant. As she got ready for the festivities that night she tried to prepare for the potential shock of her father’s “announcement.” She had Augustina announce all kind of things she thought her father might say. Unfortunate it did not work. If anything it was distressing her even more. Especially with every tug of a string as
Augustina laced up her dress. To the point she just wanted to run and hide somewhere. Somewhere in the castle where no one would find her, but as much as she wanted to do that she could not do that no matter how much she wanted too. She was not the type to run and hide.
“I am sure everything will be fine” Augustina said trying to cheer her up as she finished braiding Rosalia's long fuchsia colored hair just like her mother's.
“Sure.” Rosalia thought to herself as she left her room.

The festivities began with the standard for an Anglician royal occasion. It started before the sunset as the noble families arriving in the great hall in their finest garments. First with the best minstrels and performers from around the kingdom singing the glories both recent and long ago of heroes, the dragoons, knights and the enemies they faced. With the performers reenacting these events during the songs. Then the beginning of the banquet was brought in extravagant
food cooked by the best cooks the land could offer. And during the feast a well known wandering bard who had been convinced for the right price played for that night’s feasting; recounting recent tales from far away lands. Before the king’s announcement the court magician preformed a few dazzling tricks with a few low level fire and lightning spells.

Once the magician’s performance was over the king stood up and thanked him for his show. He then announced that he would now reveal the good news for his daughter. This was the moment Rosalia had been dreading all day and night.

“We are met here tonight for the celebration of my daughter’s reaching the age of issuance, or more specifically the good news for her and the kingdom’s future. I have kept these plans secret, from even my closest advisers, until I had secured, with certainty, a momentous opportunity for the kingdom. That will greatly increase our potency.” The king had a well known and earned habit of making long speeches with long words. If it was not written down he could keep going for a while. Fortunately this was not one of those nights, “I have reached an accord
with our friend to the south, the Kingdom of Vestal, that our daughter shall marry the youngest prince of that Kingdom and he will come to live here with us.” The crowd of nobles cheered the announcement, yet the servants and knights flinched, for they knew what was about to happen.

It was at that moment Rosalia couldn’t contain her anger any longer.
“I will do no such thing!” It came forth like the eruption of a long dormant volcano in the middle of a quiet night. Now while the residents of the castle knew well the princess’s tendency to disagree with her parents’ wishes and to argue with them over it, the nobles were not. They found the princess’s behavior scandalous in their minds.
“I will not marry anyone! I do not wish to marry! I don’t care what accord you have come to with anyone! I didn’t agree to anything, and won’t go through with it!”

Now while the King was angry at his daughter’s behavior, it was the Queen who responded.
“That is enough! It is time you stop acting like some commoner’s daughter. You have an obligation to the kingdom and us, and to do what is best for it. We have tolerated your behavior long enough, and it is time for that to end! We will lock you in the tower until your appointed days if that is what it will take.”
While Rosalia had heard anger in her mother’s voice before this was different, and she knew if she continued to protest she would be locked in the tower and let out only for functions she was needed for, and then with an armed guard to keep her in line. She promptly sat down, and became as quiet as a small slime hiding from a cat, but that didn’t stop her from planning. She knew she had only one option now, escape.

© Copyright 2011 David S Flythe

A Princess’s Adventure, Prologue: The Distant Past

The Past.

“Are you sure they will be safe down here?“ Iulianus asked

“It was her last order, so we do not have any other option.” Cyriacus responded, “Nevertheless it will safe down here, only our people know how to navigate these tunnels.”

The two traveled further in to the tunnels in quite until in frustration Iulianus asked a question out loud to himself, “How did it come to all of this? The emperor dead, his only heir dying facing one of those things, our military destroyed, and our civilization in ruins!”

Cyriacus turned and looked at him for a moment with a disapproving look, “That is a stupid question! You know well enough what happened.” In his head he continued what he had started saying, “They came once again, five hundred years after their master was defeated they rose up again looking for the keys to free him from his prison. They attacked us so quickly we did not have a chance to fight back, we did our best but it was not enough. Even the princess with her mothers armor and swords could only do so much, though she did take down their leaders.”

“Sorry, I am just so frustrated.” Iulianus has stopped and was now shaking, “when they attack here I just hid, I fought so many of the empire’s enemies with courage, but when they showed up I just ran.”

Cyriacus actually felt sorry for him, “Not everyone can face a dragon, when a dragon landed at the palace I saw veteran solders who have faced countless enemies and deamons run, men and women who had never thought of running before in their lives could do nothing but run. While the princess who had never even trained in any of the martial arts put her mother’s armor on and welded her swords as if she had always done that very thing.”

“I suppose, but it still disturbs me that I just ran when my friends, my comrades were being killed by them.” he just stood there for a moment, then slammed his fist in to the stone wall making a loud thud that echoed through out the tunnel.

Cyriacus did not say anything to Iulianus, not that he did not want to just there was nothing he could say. “We should put these in the vault, and then we can discuss these thing afterwards.” Iulianus nodded in agreement and they continue deeper in to the tunnels eventually coming to the spot Cyriacus had been looking for, “Magic Storage Vault” he silently read to himself then touched a spot on the wall and it separated quickly and quietly.

“I had heard of this place, but never seen it before, the special vault where they stored all of the magicly enhanced equipment.” as Iulianus looked in wonder only to be disappointed by the mostly emptied shelves, “What to all of the equipment!?” it was at this point that Cyriacus filled him in on what had happened in the last two weeks while he was in hiding.

When the dragons and their minions attacked most of the empires military was scattered, but after the princess rose to the occasion at the imperial capital and slew a dragon, word spread faster then a dragon could fly and soon many of the soldiers who had ran returned to ask for her forgiveness, which she gave and they gave their renewed loyalty in a commander who had slain a dragon. The marched to the fort, finding it destroyed as well they descended into the tunnels and retrieved all the magic equipment to arm them against the dragons’s army. A week later they clashed with the dragons’s army with the princess leading the charge, she single handedly slew the three dragons that had been part of their force before facing the commander of that army a small dragon-halfling who called himself Krastle, despite his small size he was powerful and immune to the damage of even the magic weapons they had, the only thing that could harm him was the swords the princess welded. The battle was long and hard, eventually she managed to get the upper hand but it cost her, in her last strike Krastle managed to deliver a mortal blow of his own. While the solders tended to the princess the best they could all that could be heard over the now quite battle field was Krastle wines, cries and curses at how he could fall to a human girl. Her last request was that Cyriacus place her armor and swords in the vault to keep it out of the dragons hands, she also gave one last command to her troops that they were to keep the magic arms and armor to protect the land from the dragon’s minions.

“And I hid like a coward this whole time, while the princess was fighting to protect us all.” Iulianus said in anger focusing it at himself.

“If you want to do something for her, you should live, live and do not run again when you can fight your enemy. But again do not blame yourself so much, for when I first saw the dragon at the palace even I froze, I over came that fear when I saw her do what I could not, you did not have that benefit here, when we arrived here we found everyone long dead, if you had you would be part of them.”

With that a fire seemed to be lit in Iulianus’s eyes that perhaps he was meant to do something more, have an effect on the world. “Alright let us finish what you came here to do, then I am going to watch over these ruins to make sure these are safe until they are needed again.”

“That is good to hear! We will place them in this chamber here, they will be safe until one of us retrieves them.” They placed the armor and swords on the stands in the room and locked the door behind them, they would latter return to stock the vault with regular weapons for future use, after they finished the closed the vault’s door, and went their way, but not before they made complete maps of the tunnels for their future use.

Iulianus settled down near the ruins of the fort, eventually marrying and having a son whom he named Christophorus. As for Cyriacus he stayed around the region for a while watching the ruins with Iulianus but eventually he decided to head east before he did he left his copy of the map with Iulianus to do with what he wished. Cyriacus eventually settled down in a new town out east he helped found, Corsica.

© Copyright 2011 David S Flythe

Cakes & Circuses

Cakes & Circuses

You show us what you want us to see,
not what we need to see.

You tell us what to believe,
because you think we are dunces.

You can hear what we are saying,
but dismiss us as fools.

We can see an evil rising,
only you see an ally.

We can feel the alarm bells ringing,
warning us of your deceit.

You were once relevant,
now you have become refuse.

You have become corrupt,
and you mean us no good.

© Copyright 2011 David S Flythe

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

An Essay: Never Lie Too Me

An Essay: Never Lie Too Me

first the (mostly) negative review, a little note the origional review was made privet by senders choice so their identity shall not revealed (unless they wish to come out by their own choice.) Also I have not changed any of their writings below;


While the writing itself was of good quality, I was very disappointed with the story itself, which was extremely unbelievable, and read like a fairytale for small children, where we have an inexperienced 16 year old boy somehow killing an enormous magical, fire breathing dragon, not to mention various other monsters. It seemed to actually insult the mainstream fantasy genre, in which drgons are extremely formidable, and NOT something a boy can kill the first time he picks up a sword. This is exactly the kind of "dragonslayer cliche" that was satired in the film "Shrek"
where instead of being slain by a hero like in nonsensical bedtime stories, the dragon defeats countless numbers of trained knights...... because as most any adult would know, this would be the logical outcome of such a one-sided battle, which is comparable to the absurdity of a mouse trying to kill a cat. It was hard to discern if this was intended to be a serious fantasy or an attempt at a comedic satire. The dragon's stereotypical villainous "mwa ha ha" laugh certainly made me
think the latter until I continued reading.

I had the impression that you have no understanding of real human and animal capabilities, or how toactually fight with swords, for if you had, you would have known a boy with no battle experience would not be able to fight such a creature, which, with the greater reach, fiery breath and sweeping tail would have every advantage.. Claiming this story was for and audience of "13 plus" seemed a contradiction, for few people over the age of ten would take the noton seriously
of a boy killing a giant magical dragon.

While a spelling check was used, there a a number of words which are not correct for the sentences. For example, "clime" instead of "climb", disparate, instead of desperate, etc.. There are also sentences that do not make sense that seem to have words left out of them.

The story seems to have a Judao Christian religious slant, with several Biblical placenames being used, and the boys' calling on "God" to help him avenge his family. But the boy's obsession for revenge is contradictory with the Christian doctrine of forgiving your enemies. Also the boy practices magic, which the Bible also denounces. I wonder if the author is also aware that the God of the Bible is described breathing fire from his mouth, smoke from his nostrils, has great
wings and claws, hoards gold, demands lambs and calves, and is given 32 virgins in the Book of Numbers. He seems to be as much a dragon as the one in your story!

Apparently dragonslayers in this story are referred to as "Dragoons". While this may be a term used in anime and video games, in the English dictionary, this is merely a term for a type of cavalryman also trained to fight on foot as infantry. The word originated in France because the original firearms they carried were called "dragons", but has nothing to do with killing dragons.

I doubt I would read any more of this story because it is so predictable and unbelievable. The hero has already killed the dragon once, without any experience whatsoever. Can there be any doubt that he is going to kill it again? There doesn't seem to be any twists or surprises in this story and the author has turned a 16 year old boy into an indestructable superhero.

One of the talents of a good fantasy writer is to make the reader believe his story could have really happened, but it is impossible for me to do so in this case. I think you have the potential to write a good story, but it is wasted on just another unbelievable dragonslayer cliche' . Now if the story took a different direction, like having the dragon and boy having to work toether for some reason, and the boy overcoming his hatred, and realizing he could never kill the dragon in the first place, then you have the potential to have a great story people would actually be interested in reading.

Good luck with your writing in any case.


First I wish to apologize ahead of time to anyone who feels I might be to hard on the reviewer, but as someone who was bulled in school to the point I dropped out I have learned its far better to confront an issue or problem head on then to avoid it.

First I want to point out something, this line he wrote; “ I wonder if the author is also aware that the God of the Bible is described breathing fire from his mouth, smoke from his nostrils, has great wings and claws, hoards gold, demands lambs and calves, and is given 32 virgins in the Book of Numbers. He seems to be as much a dragon as the one in your story!”

I also Wonder if this author is aware HE JUST LIED! Never lie to me in a review especially when it is my holy book because I will check, and I will check the text surrounding it (as you will see below) and if you lie to me I will respond and in full force. I ran a blog for awhile and I always check everything I posted (at least to the facts issue) and what people said in response. When you lie about one thing I and others are free to take every thing you wrote and throw it OUT! The first red flag for me if he didn’t include the particular verses that would prove his point, I’ll give a great example.

By the way I want to apologize ahead of time if anyone doesn’t care to read about a debate on Christian doctrine, but if you fire on a battleship when you’re a frigate expect to be sunk!

Take this line for example “But the boy's obsession for revenge is contradictory with the Christian doctrine of forgiving your enemies.” my simple comeback is this Luke 22:35-37 35. And he said unto them, When I sent you without purse, and scrip, and shoes, lacked ye any thing? And they said, Nothing. 36. Then said he unto them, But now, he that hath a purse, let him take it, and likewise his scrip: and he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one. 37. For I say unto you, that this that is written must yet be accomplished in me, And he was
reckoned among the transgressors: for the things concerning me have an end. Wait what’s that? “and he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one.” I am sure your head is spinning let me explain using a little recent history, I think the Holocaust will work. If someone is trying to kill you, you have the right of self defense. Its a little hard to forgive someone when you're dead.

When Christ was talking about the often off quoted live by the sword die by the sword here is the full passage in context, Matthew 26:51-54 by the way note verses 53 & 54. 51. And, behold, one of them which were with Jesus stretched out his hand, and drew his sword, and struck a servant of the high priest's, and smote off his ear. 52. Then said Jesus unto him, Put up again thy sword into his place: for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword. 53. Thinkest thou that
I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels? 54. But how then shall the scriptures be fulfilled, that thus it must be?

Oh and as to the “Also the boy practices magic, which the Bible also denounces.” Have you heard the phrase “artistic license?” You think I didn’t already know that? By your standard I’m sure you think J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis were hypocrites too. Particularly Tolkien who created an entire creation story for his stories.

Oh and on hypocrites I want to do it again, Matthew 7:1-5, 1. Judge not, that ye be not judged. 2. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. 3. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? 4. Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? 5. Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

Also you seem to think I am writing the dragon as a pure magical creature. There is a phrase on assumption. If you wish to place the dragon as a god fine, but as the above states I am free to judge you at the same level. I just won't at least not on this point.

As to this “Apparently dragonslayers in this story are referred to as "Dragoons". While this may be a term used in anime and video games, in the English dictionary, this is merely a term for a type of cavalryman also trained to fight on foot as infantry. The word originated in France because the original firearms they carried were called "dragons", but has nothing to do with killing dragons.” My style is to develop a world and story that doesn’t necessitate the use of the historical context ours does. If you have a problem with that then just say so. The fact that I call the story “The Dragoons of Solomus” should tell you it doesn’t happen on Earth. And while we are on the subject of original meaning why didn't you look up Orochi? After all why would the dragoon in the beginning be called dragoon of Orochi, which is a legendary 8-headed and 8-tailed Japanese dragon. Wait could I possibly have something up my sleeve? Yes, yes I do.

Lastly I don’t mind the first to third, the sixth or part of the seventh paragraphs they are legitimate opinions and I respect that, just do not insult me and expect me not to respond. And just to be honest I don’t think you will ever find my stuff interesting because I am coming at my writings and worlds from one direction, while yours are from a totally different one, and that is not bad. But just as matter and antimatter can not meet with out destroying each other, it becomes an issue when you would seek to destroy the way I look at things. I will not review your stuff, because I have nothing positive to say other then your work is well done, but outside of that I come back to my first point you lied to me, and that I can not nor will I ever respect. I thank you for the kind words that you did give me, but you negated any help they may have had with point number one.

If any one wishes to comment on this please fell free to do so, I don't mind hearing what others think on this or my points. I will not attack anyone for having a different opinion.


hit counter hit counter